Coping with stress

As a carer, it is important that you pay attention not only to the wellbeing of the person you care for but also to your own physical and emotional health and wellbeing.

Being a carer can be rewarding but can also be emotionally and physically demanding. For example, you may be finding it difficult to cope with the level of care you are providing and don’t know where to turn – perhaps feeling resentful that you have little time to yourself. Or, you may suddenly face becoming a carer after the illness of your partner – perhaps feeling anxious and depressed about these changes in your life.

It is important to acknowledge these feelings – they are normal. Sharing these feelings can also help. This could be with a friend or family member or another carer, GP or counsellor.

Guilt and resentment

Many carers can all too easily get caught in a cycle of resentment and guilt - resentful that their life is no longer their own - and guilty for feeling like this. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and not bottle them up. It is normal to feel resentful that your life isn’t perhaps the one you imagined. Perhaps your relationship with the person you care for has changed and you miss how it used to be. The person you are caring for may not always seem to appreciate what you are doing for them. You are bound to be affected by this.

You may feel that you should be doing more, or doing something better, in terms of your actual caring role. Then you feel guilty becasue you "aren't doing a good job".  Remember too that in some situations the person you are caring for may also feel guilty. It's possible they feel guilty about being a "burden" or they see the effect caring has on your life.

The important thing is not to push those feelings away - talk about it. Either to the person you are caring for or to someone else that you trust. It is important to allow yourself to feel these perfectly normal feelings and not get overwhelmed with guilt. These are feelings that you might not be able to talk to friends and family about. Talking to other carers can help. Do you know someone who has been a carer? Is there a carers group nearby? (You can find a carers support service near you on our searchable map. more...)

Can you join an online carers discussion forum? Talking to others about it will help give some context to how you feel so the feelings don’t get built up out of proportion. Carers UK's website forum can be a source of help and support. Find out more...

Stress

Stress is part of everyday life and, for many carers, stress can be a major factor affecting their health. Stress is caused by the many demands made on our time and energy and the expectations we have of ourselves. Not all stress is negative – stress can alert you to potential dangers and can also spur you on to achieve a goal or complete a task. However, sometimes the balance tips too far and the pressure becomes so intense or so persistent that you may feel unable to cope.

Stress can make it hard to cope with the demands of caring. You can become more and more exhausted, tense and irritable. This can make you feel you are losing control over your life and that there is no way of regaining this control. But, there are a number of steps you can take to help reduce stress and cope more effectively with its effects:

• Find ways of relaxing. You can find out more about relaxation techniques from your local stress or healthy living centre, from your GP or, from some of the organisations listed below. Your local library may have books or tapes about relaxation.
• Allow yourself some breathing space. For example, try to take a break from caring – even if just for a couple of hours each week and treat yourself to something you enjoy. (see “Help with Caring” section)
• Take up a physical activity like walking or swimming to help relieve tension.
• Find someone you can talk to and use their support to talk through your feelings. Not everyone finds this easy but it may be a surprise to find that others feel the same way as you. For example, you could join a local carers group or branch of Carers UK  to share your experiences. If you are not the sort of person who wants to join a group why not try talking online at the Carers UK website forum (link) where you can meet other carers anonymously, share experiences and find support from other carers.
• Try to pace yourself and tackle one thing at a time. Be realistic about what you expect of yourself. Learn to say “no” to other people, some of the time at least. Set aside time for yourself to do what you enjoy.

Depression

At some point in our lives many of us will suffer from some form of depression. usually this is a temporary low (perhaps linked to bereavement, the illness of a family member, redundancy or divorce) – gradually improving until things are back to normal. However, sometimes depression can go on to play a large part in our lives.

Depression is one of the most common medical conditions in Britain today. One in five people will be affected by depression at some stage in their life with 3-4% of men and 7-8% of women suffer from moderate to severe depressive illness at any one time.

Do you find you have:

• Poor concentration
• Disturbed sleep patterns
• Affected appetite
• Physical aches and pains
• A disinterest in other people and events.

If you have ticked some or all of these boxes, you may be affected by depression. However, there are steps you can take to help tackle it and move on. What works will be different for each individual but, here are some ideas:

• Don’t keep it to yourself. If you are depressed, try telling someone about it. It often helps to talk things over with someone else.
• Do some exercise – get out of doors, even if only for a walk. This will not only help to keep you fit but may help aid sleep. Try to keep active – whether that is housework, DIY or your normal routine. All of these can help take your mind off thoughts that may make you more depressed.
• Keep hopeful – remind yourself that you are suffering from an experience that many other people have gone through. You will eventually come out of it – although you may find it hard to believe at the time. You can also get help from others too, further information on support and help from other sources.

Other support

Your GP – Many people will turn to their family doctor when they are experiencing stress or depression. Your doctor may prescribe a short course of medication – for example, if you are experiencing depression, your GP may recommend a short course of anti-depressant drugs to help lighten your mood to allow you to cope more effectively. Or they can put you in touch with someone to talk to such as a counsellor, therapist or psychiatrist or advise you about stress management or self-help groups in your area.

Counselling and psychotherapy – It can be helpful to talk things over with someone out with your family and friends. Counselling and psychotherapy give a chance to talk through difficulties and feelings and can help you to learn how to manage your stress or depression by using a variety of techniques.

Self-help – You might find it helpful to meet with other people who have experience of stress or depression and hear how they coped. Self-help groups can often provide advice and training in relaxation and information on complementary therapies. You might find joining a local carers support group could also help.

Information and advice organisations – To help you tackle some of the stresses in your life, local information and advice organisations can help.

• Money advice centres to help you sort out financial matters and ensure that you are
• claiming all the financial help to which you are entitled.
• A disability or carers support project to help you find out what help is available to support you in your caring role.
• Your local social work department to help by providing services to support you in your caring role.